Push Through!

dark skin girls in art
“Isabella Doesn’t Want to Leave” Art by Salkis Re

The weekend is almost here. Another week gone with tasks incomplete and more to hope to accomplish than anything actually done.

It’s easy not to try, but its cost will steal currency throughout your entire life. Not trying means that nobody gets hurt, no one suffers disappoint or the shame that comes from failing, but what also doesn’t happen is that you never get to experience what you could have become. You then live out your days in the shadow of quiet agony over what might have been.

Not trying is a the purchase of certain failure, it’s a sort death really, which is what surpression gifts you. Life is hard but it’s exciting too, and it becomes quite the game that it really is when you approach it as no big deal.

You lose, so what.

You gain, so what.

You keep moving at all costs, testing and stretching your abilities. This is ALL that life is about: trial and error.

Get out of your own way and fly my darling. Fall on your face just like a child first learning to walk. Don’t be ashamed to learn from your lessons, for this is how wisdom is obtained.

In other words, grow up AND become a child again…

☘☘☘☘☘☘☘☘☘☘☘☘☘☘

“Mistress of Words”

Pretty Dark Skin Women
Self Esteem Coach
-Salkis Re

“Spiritual Healer”

“Life Coach”

“Artist”

~Salkis Re

Website:

www.iloveherart.com

Manipulation All Around Us

Goddess Worship Kali
“The Conjurer”
Art by Salkis Re

Control and ownership over your life is essential. You will meet people along your journey who will want to reduce your self worth, and they do this for the sole purpose of placing you into a tiny box so they can micro manage you with the *tiny power they posses.
This is real life, daily scenarios and power plays ladies.

Learn to distance yourself *emotionally from people who try to reduce you, and if there is something of value they can offer you them maintain a connection with them for that purpose. In other words, don’t take it personally, treat it like *business.

If you find yourself getting caught in contemplating why people do what they do, ask yourself the same question.
🤔 Why do you do what you do? Why do you lie? 😀 Whydo you embellish the truth? 🤗 Why are you unable to be straightforward about what you want at times?

🤕 People are liars and good or not so good concealers of their agendas, so you have to learn what manipulation is and counteract it by practicing some manipulation of your own.

🤔 Resolve your issues with right and wrong towards people who show disregard and *fair weather friend tendencies. This is the Game of Life my sister’s, play it well and live strong..
************

“Black Hat Society”
“Mistress of Words

African American Art
“Spiritual Advisor” ~Salkis Re

“Kali Ma Activation”
“Spiritual Guide”
“Creative Life Coach”
~Salkis Re
*Art by Salkis Re
Website:

www.iloveherart.com

If you would like to own the painting featured above, send your inquiry to salkis@iloveherart.com “The Conjurer” is not apart of my collection for *secret reasons so if you want her, we must communicate privately.

 

 

Moors

Spells Cast by Liars

 

African American Artist
“Black Hat Wisdom”
~Salkis Re

 

“Spells and Liars”
Written by Salkis Re

Esoteric knowledge is great for good conversation. I like good conversations. But what I like even better is to quantifiable improvements in myself. When you have a strong foundation, your philosophical contemplations will be stress free and more enjoyable because the work you’ve done to improve yourself affords you more ownership over your time and more mastery over your physical existence.

I see self professed witches that have weight issues and express openly that they want to lose weight, so my thought is why doesn’t she cast a spell over her mouth and what she puts in it: problem solved!

You cast spells, workable spells as you say, butyour temple is disregarded?

Moors
“The Throne”
Art by Salkis Re

Listen, the magic you are looking for is in your commitment and discipline. Discipline of your mouth, your vagina, your time for mastery of your skill, of keeping even the humblest environment organized.

Obeying indulgences does NOT builds character, and you won’t garner any fortune from it, it is the “withholding” and reducing your options for distraction and dissuasion that builds a foundation for you to become the best you can be.

“Black Hat Wisdom”
“Liberator of the Breath of Re”
“She Who Opens the Throat to Breathe”
“Self Esteem Coach”
“Queen Bee”
“Artist”
~Salkis Re
Website: www.iloveherart.com

 

 

Pretty Dark skin Girls

Men Can Spot the Weakness in Women

Pretty Dark skin Girls
“Self Esteem Coach”
~Salkis Re

We say men are hunters right? Ok what are the characteristics of a hunter? Isn’t Isn’t a hunter observant and watchful of what he has his eye on? Isn’t a hunter looking for the easiest prey?

Can a hunter not spot frailties and weaknesses? Men are more observant than you think. And when they care about what they’re after, then they REALLY watch.

Men can sniff out insecure women and “feed” off you just a kill. Desperation is not what you want to be; it will make you a sitting duck. Get your mind together and quit thinking you can conceal how you feel about yourself because you can’t.

 

We have to stOP thinking that we are really concealing our feelings. These things seep into everything we do. You are going look insecure, and you will act it out or reveal it eventually.

The point is to build yourself from the inside, to have integrity and follow through is what will build your self esteem. I tell the i coach girls Guilt will destroy you faster than any other emotion because leads to shame,  self doubt, fear, intimidation, and cowardly behavior.

So how do you break the cycle of low self esteem? You have to keep your word.

Yes!!!

Keep your fucking word to yourself#!

Make a promise and come hell or high water, (keep that shit)and actually finish what you start.

When you do this, your guilt will start falling away and you will begin to trust yourself. And trusting yourself means that you can say NO to what you need to walk away from. It means you can count on yourself yo always do what is in your best interest.

How freaking awesome is that!!!

To finally be your best friend!!!

AND what does this mean for men who are after you? It means that they have to right or not at all. It means that they cannot convince you to go against your better judgment because you no longer decide what is right or wrong for you based on the approval or disappointment of ANYONE.

You are chief.

The head Honcho!

Numero Uno baby!!!

BAM!

If you like this article and are looking for more real world tools and life hack shyte yo finally get your life in order, get this book

Who am I?

I am your fairy Godmother

“Liberator of the Breath”

“She Who Opens the Throat to Breathe”

“Mistress of Words”

“Artist”

“Author”

“Poet”

“The Lie Slayer”

~Salkis Re

 

Guess What Ms. Re is Cookin for the New Year!!!

Aww the new year is here!! And we are alive to enjoy whoo-hoo. 2016 was a roller coaster for sure and I can’t say that im not relieved to see it go.

I brought in the new year on the phone with a client of mine. She booked a session with me just to thank me for the advice I give young women on love and Continue reading “Guess What Ms. Re is Cookin for the New Year!!!”

“The ‘Act” of Unconditional Love”

                                                                      “Secrets Under My Skirt” Poem by Salkis Re

Most of us women have been “trained” to “act” in ways that will be appealing to men. To talk softly and smile, be agreeable and non threatening. No up-staging or acting like we know it all, I’d even go so far as to play dumb in order to be a good subordinate. You can’t overrule the king, and you certainly better not if you are closer to average looking or you’ll blow straight into oblivion the entire “mirage” of your “packaged” beauty.

Trained and ready to serve is the initiation into womanhood for most of us. Everybody worrying about gray hair and keep the body together so his “love” never ceases. And some of you still have the audacity to utter ideals of unconditional love when you’ve been conditioned your entire life for that love..

Great romances abound. I see intense kisses and braggadocios parading using “planned” photo ops of blissful folly to make the ether audience entertained and slightly jealous too. You’ve felt inadequate since the first cartoon you watched and that first comb you put to your barbie doll’s head. Everywhere you turn, there is a “problem” or a “flaw about you that needs tending too. EVERYWHERE!! And that inadequacy drowns the heart worry and fear. You compete with women who don’t even know you, you try up outclass and eclipse the women who threaten your livelihood/man.

Lol what is the tea? Men love sex more than they love women. And your hole holds more value than you whole. As a matter of fact, the rest of your body, your needs just get in the way as that hole is used like a toilet bowl for his frustration and stress. But that’s another post. I don’t want you to think I’m brooding here, and I certainly am not recruiting for any hidden: let’s all hate men propaganda. Men are yummy, and admirable, some god-like even.

Most of the people I look up to are indeed men. When they are worthy of course..

So no, I want you to have love by whatever it represents to you.  I don’t focus on the hope part because I know we have the scornful parts of ourselves to even get to a place where we can see what deserves the time to cultivate love. The parts you hide, are the parts you have to see so you can release your shame, doubt and fear of not being good enough for the very love you want..

Who’s zooming who? Like a Lady Aretha Franklin says..

I’m being bit facetious now, but the point must be made.

The tea is medicinal, tastes bitter, yet always needed.

“Your Life Coach ” ~ Salkis Re

The Farce of Romance


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I love..love. I think romance is the juice that runs through the veins of all relationships. Its makes people crave each other, makes them want to fuck and give gifts and procreate. Romance and love, people think they are the same.

But they are not.

Love needs no entertaining, it’s a feeling you have when you don’t have to speak to each other. It’s a comfort that comes from just being in the space you room as the person you care about.

Yeah.

Love is ‘care’ it’s a deep concern for the person you are sharing your life with. It’s those kisses he wants even before you’ve brushed your teeth. It’s the encouragement she knows you need without you even saying a word. Love becomes instinctive when you care deeply about a person.

Romance is beguiling

Smiling…. But romance.. Romance is beguiling. It encourages feelings that you may not want to feel. It ‘creates’ emotional, coaxes them to the surface. Romance confuses all logic. He may not be good for you, but he feels good to you kind of a thing.

We all want to tune out or turn off reality at times, romance obliges that need with pleasurable escapes. Get-ways from responsibilities back home. You can have another  life for a night or maybe a whole weekend where there is all this good food you didn’t have to cook and fucking in a bed you don’t have to make up.

It would be beautiful to have both though!

All the things you want to hear are said, true or not they may be, but the honesty in it all is not a requirement for romance to pull off without a hitch.  It would be beautiful to have both though. But it would mean that you have to be close and then a little vague too. To push and pull each other in order to make things feel new.

The etymology of the word Romance is defined as:

recite; composition in vernacular; verse narrative

In other words, it’s a pleasurable story, a language of niceties, verbal entertainment 

Me? Well, I don’t want your kiss as a gesture of good manners, I want the I’ve missed you kiss. But you have to actually miss me to be able to kiss me like that. Separate rooms maybe? Go see me mom for a month? Fuck you in another country? Awwwwww lol My vagina jumped for the latter option!

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Do I think Interracial Dating is a Bad Thing?

New E-book Coming Soon!
New E-book Coming Soon! Painting “AM I Black Enough?”

Someone asked me about interracial dating.

I will be asking two questions:

1)do black men watch porn?

2)Do black men have a “type” of female they like?

And then more questions:

3)Do you understand that most of them watch non black women and are very excited by the pink snatch and Tu Ball Cains jumping around ?

4)Do you understand that what they watch is what turns them on?

5)How many times is it going to be someone that looks exactly like you?

6)Do you understand that having a “type” is a prejudice within itself, and that it’s a predisposition towards a particular esthetic?

7)What are you ashamed of admitting exactly?

8)And why when men have no problem objectifying and separating parts of your body into what is valuable and what is not useful?

You are attracted to what you are attracted to and that’s it. We can cradle the politics of it and the turncoat , coon labels can be rather discomforting to say the least. But you must know that what should concern you most is what happens behind the door of your own house. You are ALONE:I keep drilling this into your head because its this collective allegiance to nothingness that as many of us putting opportunity on hold or passing it up altogether.

Prejudice is everywhere. And YES, it is within the ‘black community’ of which there really isn’t a community more so than neighborhoods where we densely reside. The truth of someone’s heart, you can never really know, so why rely on what you hope is comradery when the only man you can put to task on defending you, is the one you go to bed with?! You must narrow your focus and listen to your heart and mind. You make vows to people who will not help you in times of need. You show you are ‘down’ for men who will never consider you as wife material.

Self care is the first and the most important vow you will ever make. Angry people cannot love, hateful people cannot love, racist people cannot love etc.

When you start looking at EVERYTHING for what it really is, you start to really grasp how much “performing” is going on. Some of us have allegiance to those that look at us as an “experiment” or something to do when they are bored or have a dry spell. You are ALONE.. This walk is yours. No one is coming to save you. No revolution. . Look around and you can see if u open your eyes. You are aligned with nostalgia and illusions.

Live YOUR life..
“Life Coach ” ~ Salkis Re

 

My new e-book is almost complete. Get on my e-mail list now. The first 100 people to join with get 50% off the list price. Send inquiries to salkis@iloveherart.com

 

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african american art

Love Tender, Love Me True…

Never had a real shot at this love thing. I’m either caught begging or regretting. I’m either settling or chasing. They love me and I don’t love them, or I love them and they could care less about me. Been looking for the circle of reciprocity for as long as penises have entered my vagina. I hurt and supplied hurt. I sit at the window of my thoughts hoping that my karma has finally burned out for a fresh start at this romance game. Looking for someone I could be proud to call my own. Will it come? I’m not sure. I hope so. I can only settle my mind, body and soul in preparation for receiving it. But I got a million stories out the heartbreak deal, and my willingness to share has made for new friends. I would rather they not try to exploit my transparency cause its as if they think I expose myself in order to be used again.. Lol I laugh when they come trying to put band aids on old wounds.

I’m bored with their attempts to console me. Don’t play me for a victim because I have exposed myself to you. Those things you know of me have been worked out already, so its time to tell me about you. Can you reveal the things that make you look less put together? Can you show vulnerability? Will you show concern for me more than proper manners of “how are you”? How deep will you go to have me in your world? That is the question. Stop trying to figure out how you can get something out of me without risk or loss. You will have to give up something to be with me, your job is simply to decide how much of a risk im worth you taking. Its as simple as that. I win however the dice may role. There are plenty of ‘sure bets’ out here so don’t try to guilt me into offering you the opportunity to receive the results you are used to getting for those girls who are not goal oriented. I am not a manipulator: what I am however, is an “Uncoverer”, and by the time I’m finished finding out all you try to hide we both will be giggling as we relax into friendshipping each other.

Like this post? well please do hit the subscribe button then head on over to my online store for pretty things to hang on your wall! 🙂

~Salkis RE

African American Art

I’m Pretty? Ok, What’s the Catch?

I can’t help it, I immediately go to suspicion of motives when I here kind words. I can accept a compliment, and I do enjoy them. I just know that there is most often an intention from the giver that drives them to these utterances. It could be as something as them feeling good about themselves so they are compelled to spread the cheer, to someone wanting to hold your attention long enough to invite further conversation. Then there are others who just use it to fish out what you feel about yourself by paying attention to your responses.

Let’s use the weight thing as an example cause I’ve been , skinny and now I”m slim thick I suppose so here:

“You look great in that dress!”

“Oh! this ole thing, maybe 10lbs ago!”.

“Your proportioned very nicely, I think you are perfect!”

You smile as you try to accept the kindness within his words.

He is attractive, so in your mind he can exercise his authority to speak on matters of attractiveness. He has your mind occupied with plethora of possibilities. You finally buy few new things for yourself, and it has been forever since a new dress has touch your thighs. You want more of that reassurance, and he is the only one that has given it to you without asking for anything in return. He is genuine, and humble to think of you as his equal when you clearly do not think of yourself as such. BUT ,you ate the bait, hook, line and sinker. And after a few more episodes of pleasantries that he peppers with affirmations of seeing you the way no one else can, your resistance to any possible falsehood is obliterated!

It is just a dangerous game to engage in the dance of mating when you feel unsure of yourself . You are like an open wound waiting for someone to come and stitch you up because you want them to love what you don’t love about yourself. This my dear will cost you dearly. Commit to self improvement and the accept what is unchangeable about you. This way, you can stay grounded when anyone comes into your life with declarations of loving what they themselves might think of as flaws. Essentially, it’s about knowing exactly who you are, not waiting for someone to affirm things you cannot  independently validate.

#AfricanAmericanArt

Honesty? Oh! Honestly Please!

I hear this verbado all the time. “Oh I don’t play no games, I’m straight up when it comes to relationships!” I hear this and immediately think: “This person has no clue in how to seduce!” Playing games is a part of courtship, its apart of creating emotional connections with people. Now, I am not talking about anything malicious here, I am speaking of creating fantasies in the mind of the person you are wanting to pursue YOU.

Telling him you can cook rather than surprising him with a 4 course meal is going to have a different effect. Both will yield a favorable result, but being caught off guard, being surprised will have more emotional cushioning surrounding the big reveal. This is what Im speaking of. We just talk to f’ing much and don’t allow the other person to paint a picture of us, to dream of us. By putting is ‘All Out There’, you leave nothing for discovery. You don’t give him a chance to feel happy and honored about being chosen by you…

Hold you tongue. This is not about you. This is about the man that you want to be with who cannot know that he has already won your heart. That is what hurried honesty does, it breeds contempt and a slow down in the chase. “Oh I got time, she wants me!” Is what he says to himself. If you are not aware of this yet, anxiety is the best friend of passion. Save your truth for your own heart and disclose over time, not in one 4 hour phone call. You do that talk all night ish on the first run, and you are done before you start… Pace Yourself..

~Salkis Re

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african american art

I Can Love You Better!

Making things better in a relationship.. Hmm I don’t think a turn around in a down hill spiral takes a tremendous amount of time. If you are with someone who treats you unkind, its not because they are sitting there waiting on the ‘right time” to treat you right. They treat you dastardly because they want to, because they have no inspiration or incentive to treat you any other way. But one hand cannot clap my lovelies: it’s a master and slave relationship. He can’t rule without subjects that have agreed to his appointed sovereignty.

The instinct to hold you dear is a gumbo mix of give and take IT away. Its an atmosphere of anxiety and incomplete comfort that causes one to strive to make pleasing you their number one purpose. Equality doesn’t feed passion. Truthfulness doesn’t make one treat you fair.. But of course you know this as you have had much lonely nights to asses and account for all your uprightness and your willingness to show, (even at the risk of  chasing reciprocity), how much you genuinely care.

You have given him no room to earn you! You are impatient and needy, yet so motivated to learn the lesson for the 100th time that beggars can’t be choosers. What is the secret I must share? You do not give to get, you BE to get. This is what Queens do!

We all appreciate and cherish what we have earned. We shine them up like trophies on  beautiful display cases, but with things given without merit, we put them in the back of our closet, or box them in the attic to collect dust until we fine someone who can find more use for them than we can fairly give.

Please visit my online art store www.iloveherart.com and don’t forget to subscribe to my blog. Go on hit it now, and get some tea and come back and read a little more 🙂

~Salkis Re

 

 

african art by Salkis Re

Your Only As Sick As Your Secrets

 

I love my paid hoes and poor sluts…

I have a few unmentionables. Things that have caused me shame in my life. Things that a few people know and maybe more than I think know because you just never know if your secrets are held sacred after you utter them. I wish I could go back in time, I wish it so badly. But I can’t. The ‘damage’ is done and I have to live on. But this thing called shame is paralyzing. Its like you walk one egg shells hoping you won’t be found out, like living while looking over your shoulder everyday. I can’t do that anymore. I won’t. There is no power in pretense. There is no glory in being discreet if your deeds haunt you, if you can’t forgive yourself. I’m for women. ALL of us. I love my prayer warriors and my jump off’s, and my paid hoes and poor sluts. I have been them all, unwillingly perhaps, led by fear most probably, trying to survive mostly. 20150402_071924

The fat gene won a few times but…

I know what its like to feel the thrust of man’s third leg inside me that didn’t care about me. I know what its like to “pretend” not to care while I let him do it too! I know what its like to latch on to someone because I thought this was the last train for me, that this was the best I’d ever get. I know what its like to pretend not to want anything so I’d be free feeling what I thought was inevitable disappointment. I know what its like to have a baby to keep the peace and get rid of one to keep “my peace”. I have been homeless. I have slept in my car. I know what a grocery store run feels like when you only have 5 dollars in your pocket for peanut butter and bread, but I also know what its like to give my savings away to my man’s next big business venture only to have nothing but a garage full of  novelty trash that wouldn’t sell. I fought the fat gene, won a few times, lost a few and Im winning right now and have a deeper understanding to stay here too.

Dear God, it’s me Salkis!

I spent a lot of time trying figure out what I wanted to do, what I wanted to be good at.. But that voice in my head was always nagging at me, telling me this ain’t gonna work or that ain’t gonna work. I even thought that being dark skin was a curse. I think I was 11 or 12 years old when I’d have frequent ‘talks’ with God about my complexion and I’d make deals with him I’d pass all my math tests and stop stealing the Fig Newtons out the cookie jar if he just would make me lighter skinned. Every morning, I ran to the mirror believing something changed, but there I was, just the same as the night before.

African American Artist
Daddy, Mommy and Me

I’d say: “You don’t love me God, if you did, you’d answer my prayers….”

Sex and donuts…

This is why I speak of self esteem and self awareness so much. I can see in the eyes of many women, the anguish, the confusion, the fear and dissatisfaction within their existence. I know it well. Even the psychics and the oracles can’t hide that look from me.  I know what they are feeling too. Bravado means nothing. The “I can do what I want to do” doesn’t mean a hill of beans. Its like one rice grain to a hungry belly. Only the strong will survive? No. Not true. Only the people who make the right decisions at the right time survive, only those who exercise purposeful discipline will survive. Much of our bumps in the road is do to lack of discipline, laziness, gluttony, focus. These things make one sick, broke, unhealthy etc.. Good sex is pleasurable, and I don’t know about you but glazed donut makes me hum my favorite tune. But are they good for us just because they bring us pleasure? That is what we have to reason out with the decisions we make.

So I decided that my goal, what I wanted to center myself around was love, self love in particular, but all aspects of it because it shapes and influences every part of our lives. I want love to be simple. I want the me that I was before I thought I needing fixing, the me that I was before the need to repair.. Before I was 11 years old I suppose….

If you’re like me, then you’d appreciate the Art walk back in time. Introspection is healing Click Here

DR Sebi Village

Dr Sebi, Weed, Sex and Love lessons

 

Dr Sebi Cures
Me and Dr Sebi

 

Dr. Sebi is one of those fearless people I’ve had the pleasure of spending one on one time with, and a nonstop comedy show actually. No filter, no edits, no “I shouldn’t say that”. Non of that. He is the first, well the only person I know that I was able be totally free to talk to about anything. You couldn’t make him blush, nothing was a ‘bad thing to say’ or inappropriate. He talked about his stint in the crazy hospital diagnosed with schizophrenia and how he cured his insanity and other ailments through diet and herbs. He talked a lot about his sex life. He leaned forward in his easy chair, took a puff to prep for his statement and yelled out:  “I love to f%%k, No, NO, I LIVE TO F%%K”  My mouth dropped and then I burst out laughing at the way he expressed his love of the p$$$y like he was reading the book of revelations. I wanted to jump up and say AMEN, but I was too busy laughing in shame at his bravado.

I Should Have Smoked With Him…

Sebi went in the back room and came out with a carry on size suitcase, he opened it up and it was full of weed. He looked at me smiling and I guess he was expecting me to prance up and down at the sight of plethora of green goodness, but I sat there with my mouth open. I think I lost some credibility with him cause I wouldn’t light one up cause he gave me this “Oh you one of them” looks. I did plan to try the peyote he raved about though, but I was scared of that too, hehe. I managed to muster up some courage to try the snake powder though. Pablo (Sebi’s right hand man) said, “Here Eat it, it cleans the blood”. With a squeamish look on my face, I sprinkled some powered on my tongue and waited to hurl, but It wasn’t bad though. It had a dried fish taste to me..

So back to Sebi. I sat there waiting for another wave of shameless banter to come from his lips but I had to wait for Pablo to finish rolling out his blunts, Sebi moved his attention to the soccer game on his wide screen while Pablo prepped the accoutrements for Sebi’s nonstop weed smoking fest. He lined up about 6 spliffs side by side on a little coffee table and put it next to Sebi’s chair with a lighter. The attendants came in with soup and tea for him. The food got cold, the tea collected dust, but ” Deh Erbs Cum Ahrund” like Collie Buddz say, lol. Well about an hour into the conversation I was in full contact off the smoke and I felt more relaxed and got the nerve up to ask him more personal questions. There was a young lady coming in and out of the bungalow periodically. She made his bed and picked up laundry and removed the food they kept bringing him that he wouldn’t eat. I’d catch her giving me the side eye every so often and I realized that she was possibly one of Sebi’s side chics.

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Sebi Likes them young but..

So I asked Sebi why he liked young girls . He said “I don’t want them, they want me and I can’t even insult them away from me, so I keep them around until they want to leave!” I looked at him and hung my head cracking up. Could this man be anymore full of himself I thought. But he was dead serious. “See I don’t believe in forcing people to love you, they either love you or they don’t. I don’t own anybody and they don’t own me!” So Sebi, you don’t get jealous? ” I asked. ” Once I caught my wife in bed f^^king another man, I told them don’t stop on my account, I’m just going to get my things so keep on f^^king!”. I bursted out laughing again but I was a little puzzled by his indifference, so the next question was: “SO you wouldn’t even fight for your woman Sebi?”

He took a puff and looked at me with this crazy look. “If she was mine, if she wanted to be with me, would I need to fight for her?” I’m not fighting with you or for you to be with me. We are all free.” He said. I looked at him and he looked at me. I had to process that you a minute. So simple yet powerfully true. He looked at me and I guess he knew he crushed some of my notions of love, but then I snapped back to life. “Wait Wait! You left your wife for sleeping around on you,but you expect your woman to stay with you if you cheat!” “I don’t expect sh&*t! If she feels another man can f$$k her better than me, I will help her pack and give him some herbs to keep hard too!”

Me glowing from the Thermal Waters *Dead.. I flat lined at that point and brother had to excuse himself for the umteenth time choking with laughter.

So clearly he is not into sharing his woman and not into keeping her if she don’t want to be kept. I asked about sex again. I couldn’t resist,lol. “Sebi  you never  had a good piece of a$$ to get you strung out? Be careful cause one of these young sweet thangs will put it on you and you will change your tune!” “I had a good piece of a$$. Actually, the best a$$ I ever had was from an older women, she was 65 at the time. She just knew how to touch me, that was the best a$$ I have ever had to this day! Sebi said. Laughing louder now cause I see his face and he is thinking about that woman deeply now. “So Sebi why didn’t you wife her up if she was the best you ever had?” He takes a puff why staring at the T.V. screen.. “Well I was married at the time, and she didn’t want to be my second wife!”  I Flat lined again beeeeeeep.

We talked for a few more hours and to sum up what I learned of love from this crazy, wonderful man is that self love is all you need to sustain your life, Its all you need to have a happy life filled with love. “Lovers come and go, right! Are you with your first love? NO! SO what is the same? YOU. You are the same, You carry yourself with you everywhere, so the only thing you HAVE to love is yourself!” Sebi said while wagging his finger in my face.

Awwww… Self Love is the way to everything we want isn’t it? Did you like this little snapshot of wisdom? Well subscribe so you don’t miss all of my insights and creative thoughts. And I have love you can take home with you right now, Have a look here: Love Love Love!

Love Be Telling Lies

Lol. This blog is supposed to be about my art, but apparently I need this outlet yo vent about my feelings and the strangeness of this thing called love. I have been thinking about my “love career” lately. I’VE spent the last few hours in summerization of what went wrong with past lovers. Thank god I’ve finally gotten over the “I wasn’t pretty enough” part: I don’t think that was totally it but I do know I have been seed by men who didn’t see me as quite their “type”. Yeah I’ve been fetishized a time or two.

 

Naw… I think the fear of being alone drove me. I did get hitched a few times just on the merit of “well he’s the one that asked”. Lol. Not because I cared but because he asked thus it became a “what the hell. Let’s do it” kinda thing. 

But the relationships didn’t last. The grow to love them thing never panned out for me. Resentment was the only thing that grew. The resentment that all the nice talk and seemingly mannerable ways were all to put me in the “trap house”. To try my pussy out and if it’s good, then the rest of me could be tolerated. But we all know that sex isn’t enough; it’s never enough to hold together a life partnership.

You can sense when a man loves you deeply. He will defend you, protect you, talk about future plans that include you, he will want babies with you, he will bring out the best within you.

To spend your entire relationship wondering if you really have a true relationship is not cool. I’ve been in that boat a few times, too many times actually. To be unsure about the one you love just confuses everything else in your life.

I’m torn by life experiences, my emotions, logic and reason. They all fight within me. I can’t say “I want a kiss” without thinking if it will lead to anything, if I’m just wasting my spit on his curiosity, if I’m being coy enough or showing enough interest, asking how long should the kiss be, should I give him tongue on the first try, am.i not making him earn my respect… and that’s from a kiss!

Can you imagine my head trip when I give up the ass!!! Shiiiiiiiit I be having the Palm Readers, Ms Cleo, Tarot Cards, Chakra Healers on speed dial tryna figure out if he love me… sigh…

Geeeze…. Now I know why artist are seen as a little whacky.. I guess we have to be in order to create. Anyway. if you enjoyed our little chat then subcribe and let me know what’s on your mind! Toodles 🙂

Freeform locs

New Beginnings or New Being: Both

I’ve had to do some deep soul searching lately. To uncover the hidden things within my heart. I think opening up is a way to release the pressure that comes from being ‘private’ which is just another word for ‘hiding’. I think a lot of it is just fear that you can be easily made into a puppet, but I came to the conclusion that every institution from universities to jobs use us as puppets anyway. It just doesn’t feel as bad cause you can save for a vacation and maybe qualify for government aid in the form of more debt like student loans etc.

So I decided to revisit my ego and all the built up protection I’ve accumulated over the years and released that I made bad decisions out of the fear and shame that comes with hiding. The prison from having to cover a lie with another lie was making it hard for my heart to soar. And all the people that I admired and looked up to were always very candid about their lives:it was like they were telling a story about someone else, that’s how detached they were from all of it.

I’m a creative person, a passionate person, intuitive through and through but trauma of hurt and disappointment made me question all those attributes about me:until now.
So I will express my life and my thoughts in an artful way.

A Dark skin Girl Dating Blues

I was a teen in the 80’s and 90’s and it was hard getting a guy to like you if you were a dark girl back then . I remember begging my friends to talk to their boyfriends to see if they could convince one if them to come to talk to me. That was the aim; I just wanted to be seen walking with a guy and then maybe I would stop feeling like I had two heads.

I’d sit in my friends bedroom while she called her boyfriend up and ask him about this guy or that who she thought would be nice for me to date. It was obvious what was being asked on t he other end cause my friend would say “Well yeah she is dark skin but she is pretty! No! No! I serious! She is pretty. I bite my nails and pace the floor hoping to pass the preliminary interview my friend conducted on my behalf.

I’d be humiliated every time but it was more embracing being the only one among the crew that never had a valentine chocolate or some door knocker earrings as birthday gift.i was the sarcastic sidekick that held everybody coat and purses when they were busy getting their foreplay on.

The dates I managed to get all treated me exactly like what I was: a charity case. What made matters worse was that I refused to have sex. I don’t think the choice to abstain was always moral; I was fucking scared and I didn’t want to be hurt. Even with all my desperation back then, somehow I always knew that having sex with those dudes would be the last nail in the coffin. After all, I had to keep what dignity I had left…

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African Artist

The First Time I Had Sex

Gosh… I remember it like yesterday. I was 18, naive, low self esteem and scared to death. There was a lot of grunting and pushing and quite a bit of pain. I remember laying there not understanding why I wasn’t feeling good. I kept hoping that it would start feeling like ecstasy I heard so much about. Blood on the bed confirmed my status as my man got up and looked at the bed and me and said “Oh! Your were a virgin for real?”

I was devastated, ashamed, and confused. What do I do now?, I thought. It seems like forever just to finish zipping up my paints. My shame quickly turned to anger though. Not only did he think I was lying about being a virgin, he was insensitive to boot. “Did you cum?, he asked anxiously. Like I knew what the fuck that was. I lied. “Yeah I came twice!”, I said.He smiled and gave me cab money to go home.

I thought about it the whole ride home. I gave up my jewels for this shit!! All my friends got at least 4 years of fucking under their belt and I waited for this? I should have fucked Buster when I had the chance. I used to cut school and go to his apartment in the projects. He would dry hump me for hours cause I refused to take off my pants, He would even cum too,lol That was crazy how I could make him cum fully dressed.. Sigh…
I’d give anything to have my first time back again..I think I deserve a do-over…

I’ve been chasing that do-over ever since…

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