How to Handle Manipulators

So I was thinking about Passive Aggressive men this morning and what I wanted to
say about them since some of you have emailed me with your concerns about how to avoid or manage passive aggressive men.
I want to you to understand how I think of  these labels like
Narcissist,
Manipulators,
Passive Aggressive,
Pathological Liars
These are all fancy fartsy terms for people who are dedicated to getting you to do what they want you to do regardless if its hurtful or dangerous or selfish on their part.
The passive aggressive person will throw insults in the form of a question,
they will state opinions wrapped around the pretense of ignorance.
They will not come out and say what they feel because way back when they were young,
their opinions were shot down, so they’ve learned to spare themselves the pain of
rejection for the things they want by never being clear about what they feel or what they want..
The Pathological liar is usually egoistic and have low levels of self-pride.
One of their traits are that of story changing.
They usually cannot remember the previous lie, so they make up a completely new lie to keep the illusion going.
Pathological liars
The Manipulator is one who exploits other people specifically for their own gain.
They are experts at fishing out a persons weaknesses
Here are 4 common traits of a Manipulator:
  1. They know how to detect your weaknesses.
  2.  They use your weaknesses against you.
  3. Through their shrewd effort, they convince you to give up something of yourself in order to serve their self-centered interests.
  4. Once a manipulator succeeds in taking advantage of you, he or she will likely repeat the violation until you put a stop to the exploitation.
The Narcissist spends time demeaning outer people. It’s important for that person to make everyone around them feel small and insignificant.
A Narc needs constant approval and praise to feel self worth and has an abnormal feeling of gracious importance..
They exploit people without guilt or shame….
abstract potrait painting
“I Understand” Original Art by Salkis RE
All these types of people TAKE without giving.
They demand from you what they do not feel the need to give in return.
They are all users, some aggressively, some not.
But they will all make you feel uncomfortable with who you are.
They will all make what you are asking for seem pointless and have a total disregard for your feelings whether by outright insults or sarcasm…
You “Handle” people like this by having your own agenda.
And your simple vow is to put yourself first at all times because someone who truly cares about you; they will not want to take anything from you that you don’t want to give, They will respect your boundaries and your feelings..
You handle them ALL by never doing anything you don’t feel comfortable with doing. You destroy their power by becoming a FELINE!! 

Why You Need to Be Different!

It Must be emotionally exhausting carrying around feelings of self doubt of your low self worth every day of your life right?

You wake up unexcited, barely looking at yourself in the mirror and if you do, you grimmace with dissapointment at your reflection!
Day in, day out, the same secret sentiments of self loathe and dissatisfaction infect your mind…

If you keep waking up like this, where do you think you are headed?

You want some relief…

I know…
Cause I was exhausted feeling fu8ked up about myself too.
I felt jacked up because I believed the corrupted side of my imagination!

I talked myself into believing that I was stupid, unworthy of success and love,

and in my mind, everyone around me presumed they same things that I assumed about myself..

Abstract portait painting
“Skylar” art by Salkis Re

So I decide one day to acknowledge that I had FEAR.
FEAR of rejection.
FEAR of failure.
FEAR of being alone.
And every decision I made or avoided, was because I used my (corrupted) imagination to convince me that my failure was almost a guarantee.

SO I suppressed my desires.

I spent a lot of years being quiet and careful not to say too much because (as a ‘stupid’ woman) I thought I’d probably say the wrong thing.

I spent a lot of years being quiet and careful not to say too

much because (as a ‘stupid’ woman) I thought I’d probably say the wrong thing.
I had decided back then, to be “compliant” and “submissive” to avoid pain and rejection…

And guess what happened?
Pain and rejection came ANYWAY!!
PAIN AND NO RESULTS is all this way of thinking got me.

Is this how you live right now?
Is this your Every Day Life?.
Are you Scared to start?
Scared to even want what you want?

Black and White Portrait Painting
“This Is The Way” Art by Salkis RE

Even at the expense of your own safety and emotional stability.
BUT you still get no results!
So what does change require?
*It requires you to FAIL.
**It needs for to prepared to TAKE RISKS.
It requires that you GO FOR BROKE while obtaining guidance, while developing your skill for measurable SELF improvement !

SELF LOVE is the foundation that success is created on!
And you need to LEARN HOW to love yourself.
I’m the only black woman who can truly help change your lowly

thinking and your proclivities towards self defeatism .

AND:
You won’t have to be 20 years younger to do it!
An hourglass shape is not need to do it!
It’s not in creating stipulations that you don’t have to

inspiration, the discipline or the biology to meet!
You are going to focus ONLY on what you CAN DO!!
This is how you will get what you want of life!.
Lets Get It!

 

Beautiful Black Women in relationships

If you enjoy these emails packed with nuggets of wisdom, please do share them.

Leave a comment to let me know how you feel about what I’ve said..

Need My Help?

Send me an email to info@salkisre.com

Ready to take a chance and get some wisdom to turn your life around now?

Click Here

And before you go, grab your Free E-book“12 Steps to Become Irresistibly Magnetic”

How To Love You!

darkskin women

Self Love is a Relationship With Your Body

Sitting at my desk with my yoga gear on, all prepped for my

home yin yoga session and I’m thinking about why I am doing this.

I workout, eat right and stay of  trouble because that is the way I express love for myself.

I have come to realise that there is no separation in anything we feel, experience or suffer from..

What you put in your mouth will affect your bank account as well as your liver!

What you say out your mouth will make you feel guilty or make others feel threatened.

What you do today will affect the results you experience a year from now, even 10 year from now.

Nothing you do is a stand alone event.

You are constantly creating “Webs”, as you weave one consequence

or result into another with every decision you make.

This is the key to understanding why our lives are as they are.

Start with your body.

African American Art
“Do I Have Too?” Original Art by Salkis Re

Master your relationship with your body.

Listen to it’s arguments against some of your food choices.

Stretch your muscles when you are feeling like you are constricted.

Communicate with your physical heart, your liver, your kidneys.

Thank your cells for defending you against what should be in your body.

Think of nurturing in all that you do.


Why Should You Heed My Advice?

Because I’m CRAZY, a nonconformist,

AND an introvert who had to bind her insecurities

and throw that bitch in the closet so

I could pound the pavement and be found by good women like you!

“Your Self Esteem Coach”
~Salkis Re

Need My Help? Send me an email to info@salkisre.com

Ready to take a chance and get some

badass wisdom to turn your life around now? Click Here

Alone and Afraid?

Being yourself is going to hurt people.

Its going to dispassion people against you.

Why?

Because they will not be able to control you,

to manipulate you to do things that are not in line with your safety or life goals.

The only reason you have friends or lovers is because they like the way you make them feel.

But once you step away from he act of pleasing and choose to be passionate and purposeful

about the act of self fulfillment, people are going to take issue with you.

Watercolor Portrait Painting
“I AM a GIRL!” Original Watercolor Portrait Art by Salkis Re

They will stop calling you, stop inviting you, stop fucking you, stop buying gifts for you and so on…

And then the harsh reality of your aloneness will start to take form.

Do you know when the revelation of aloneness usually hits?

When you start to get old..

And you realize that all your sacrificing didn’t afford you their loyalty or undying concern.

then you become old and bitter because you have to face that you wasted so much time TRYING.

Trying to get LOVE.

Trying to get RESPECT.

 

What matters is your time and how much of ti you spend on frivolity or purpose.

And your purpose will need most of your energy because

you will have to fight the status quo of mediocrity and the fear that others try to infect you with…

You are your OWN GOD/ESS because your ACTIONS determine your road and your destination…

Be a god today…..

Carry On…

 

I am an Empath,

a Spiritual Advisor,

An Artist,

And a Mentor

Here to Help Your Path Back to Selfhood

black artists

If you are interested in gaining clarity of mind spiritual strength, please Click the link here for my books and coaching 

 

Nas Puts Kelis on Blast!

Nas

Well my play husband wrote a 7 page letter in rebuttal to his ex wife Kelis and her claimed of physical abuse during their 5 year marriage.

Kelis stated in an interview that Was would imitate physical fights with her while under the influence of alcohol.

She stated she new about his extra marital affairs that went on for 2 years during their marriage, but she didn’t decided to leave because of that: “The cheating was more like the icing on the cake, she states.

Now I render when they had gotten a divorce and I honestly don’t remember hearing any bad blood between them, actually

I was impressed with the class that Kelis displayed when asked about what happened because she remained tight lipped about it.

Fast forward to today and the whole cat is out the bag, shyte slinging everywhere as each are publicly accusing the other of abusive behavior.

black love

 

 

Nas’s accusation cut deep and really hit home about domestic abuse and how easy

it is to take advantage of another person who shoes emotions dependency for you.

He said he suspected she was crazy but she was “BeautifuL” , so I guess her beauty gave her character a pass, at least for a while.

Other things mentioned were her uncooperativeness with him in arranging to see his son and how he even faked a reconciliation with her in order to spend time with his son.

He said Kelis “fat shamed” his daughter from a previous relationship and verbally abused her often.

Sigh…

Its a mess.

A big mess!

black love

I love Nas as an artist and I don’t him personally, so I would judge his character or takes sides with Kelis on her allegations against him.

But I have a message to men and women about choosing life partners.

When deciding to marry someone, you are putting yourself into a contractual commitment that holds more weight than a hand shake or a promise ring.

You are in fact stating that you are willing to risk potential loss or enjoy potential gain by cutting yourself off from any other options(dating) out here.

Do you weight the value or the compensation package of this crucial decision on looks, muscles, big booty, big d&*k or even money ?

Making decisions based on superficial things often leads to buyer’s remorse and heart breaking regret,

 over time because a decision wasn’t made based on actual value inside the box but the Chiny packaging outside of it.

I have said this before that pretty women are often accused and assumed to be crazy, light skin women in particular seem to have a reputation for emotional instability.

Kelis Green Wedding Dress
Nas and Kelis on Their Wedding Day

But you GUYS say that the Coo-Coo FOR COCO PUFFS usually makes the sex even hotter!!

Shrugs…

So listen guys, I know you want a woman who is beautiful, I know this is a top priority for most if not all of you whether your financial means can support it or not.

But you must weigh her character, you must observe and pace yourself just like I tell women to do when dating men. Especially you guys who have a lot to lose

. There are great women out here that you won’t give a chance to because she is not “pretty” enough to make a serious consideration for,

women who would bend over backwards to see to your comforts and to make sure that you are well fed,

that your secrets are protected, that will work just as has as you do to keep the house in order so that you come home to an oasis away from the grind.

But you will never know their sweetness because you don’t see their value.

This goes for women too of course…

IF you suspect that there is emotional instability in the woman you are interested in, take a pause, retreat,

RUN if necessary! And do not look back. MANY MANY MANY women hide their emotional unsteadiness behind their physical attractiveness.

I have said MANY MANY MANY times that attractiveness does not equate to SANITY or INTELLIGENCE or HIGH SELF ESTEEM either.

And I mean this with all the muscle I can flex

Women are bewitching, beautiful women even more so…

But who you MARRY has to be more than a pretty face and good sex. If she is to be the mother of your children

and potentially someone you are tied to in one way or another for life, give care in that she is mentally fit

to mother your children and provide the emotional stability and virtue I think you  guys want..

Carry On…

dark skin women
Life Coach~Salkis Re

P.S. If any of you are in need of private instruction and coaching on relationship matters and

self improvement by way of health, spiritual and emotional wellness, you can find me HERE

 

 

 

Fight Elegantly!

Decisions based solely on emotion NEVER stick.

You may be able to garner their pity and remorse for a little while,

but eventually that person goes back to his/her old ways after their emotions have settled back down,

This is why men feel sorry about about cheating when they get caught, and after the dust settles,

they are back out there at it again.

Black women are getting pimped out of their vaginas by everybody,

black men, white men, even other women

people generally do not change unless they experience some

tremendously emotional event that breaks the patterns within their nervous system.

Thick Locs

 

For the most part, we are all fixed as adults. Fixed in what we believe about ourselves,

how we perceive love, how we quantify our value.

Relationships are about the decision to share a life with someone as they are,

and with your love and encouragement,

you can “Influence” them to become “Improved” partners IFFFFFFFFFFF that is what HE desires to be…..

 

black love

Black women are emotionally exploited by everybody because our pathologies are well known and easy to recognize

while others enjoy living with the ambiguity of their depression and low self esteem whiling concealing

pharmaceutical remedies for their suicidal thoughts properly fitted garments, scantily clad pics or perfectly

coiffed hair that serve to disguise their emotional dysfunction.

 

abstract art

Our pathology includes the admiration and support of anybody who do not resemble ourselves,

and the admiration and support of people who mock, mimic and make fun of us.

We are enemies of each other perception based on “collective” biases that are based on propaganda and indoctrination.

 

Redeem yourself. Pull yourself up from the muck and Myer….

Divorce yourself from anything or anyone who’s opinions are self serving and decide that a

feeling is not a truth unless you start living in agreement with it,

and that goes for yourself or anyone else…

 

If you need to talk with me privately, find me HERE

 

“Black Men DO Not Want Black Women???”

 
Written by Salkis Re
 
Begging of any kind immediately puts you in a subordinate position.
Stop harassing these black women that you “think” do not what to date you.black love
It doesn’t make a difference and NEWS FLASH,
you can’t SHAME men not changing their minds about where they want to insert their penises.
 
 
It is a totally waste of energy, and it send a message that you are insecure about your own self worth.
There is a power in SILENCE that is unequivocal to any vocalized aggression against black men who date outside their race.
 
 
And until YOU stop with your own hypocrisy, the double standards of who gets a pass when you YOURSELF are praying for an opportunity to have a mixed baby or a
Light skin child, when you stop supporting those swirling channels that get MILLIONS of views AND SUBSCRIBERS,
 
 
Stop beauty practices that reflected an alignment with what you CANNOT BE BIOLOGICALLY,
then and only then can we effectively take a position of “Injustice” with the vehicle of self honor and self respect and truth behind in.
 
 
You try to denigrate what you secretly have affection for.
You say you HATE when you really admire and privately wish
the cards of life would have dealt a different hand to you.
 
 
 
I have participated in the hypocrisy for many, MANY years.
I had a chip on my shoulder for light skin women for any woman
who appeared to be mixed race or who claimed blackness while enjoying ambiguity.
 
 
 
 
I went through a stage in high school were I relaxed my edges EVERY WEEEK!!.
Yeah, as soon as then naps started forming, I take a little tooth brush and zap that shit away.
 
 
 
 
I wanted no part of my blackness, and I hated other women because they didn’t have to go through what I went through.
Not being shut after sexually is a crushing blow to a girls self esteem here in America.
Because here in American, beauty is regarded as VIRTUE, as TRUTH, As GOODNESS.
 
 
 
abstract art
 
 
 
But beauty that comes from the validation of men always leads to self esteem issues.
It always leads to disease and mental instability.
Why?
 
Because his “love” for you is based on what he sees and this means that
you experience differences in your relationship when your looks start to change.
 
 
Beauty as a vehicle for companionship is a necessity, but approaching beauty as a “tool” rather than the sum total of your
self worth is a more balanced way to be because then you can manage
“change” and you will do things to maintain your beauty that are more productive
and nourishing to your body instead of destructive and corrosive to your physical form…
 
The bottom line is this: When you BEG, you get their PITY, Nothing more.
“Black Love” starts with you!
 
“Medicine Woman”
~Salkis Re
Art by Salkis RE
 
 
Beautiful Black Women in relationships

Who AM I?

I am an Ugly Girl who paints beautiful girls while helping women feel better about themselves

Need My Help? Send me an email to info@salkisre.com

info@theuglygirlsclub.com

Ready to take a chance and get some badass wisdom to turn your life around now? Click Here

Get your free e-book here

“Single Mothers are a HUGE Liability?”

 

The discussion about single mothers as potential wives came up on my recent You Tube Video… My response is REALITY, not filled with idealism or optimism for that matter. My posting this dialog for YOUNG ladies who do NOT have children yet.
Take Heed…

Male Viewer Comment:
I think love and relationships are more complex. If my son married a woman with a child, i would be happy for him.
Perhaps HE could be the only hero in the child’s life.

Child or no child, the woman should be a loving person. I hope that she would be less Machiavellian…less jaded.
************************************************************************
My Response:
Every woman who HAS a past is “jaded” to some degree. And if she was left a single mother, she should be EXTREMELY cautious in safeguarding against a repeating choices that led her there in the first place.
A single mother comes with extra scars, but if her motivation is strong enough, she CAN compensate for the any emotional shortcomings by concentration on her what is virtuous about her. But the “jaded” part really applies to ANY woman who has had sperm inside of her.
It creates a touch of lunacy in us all to be honest..

 

 

Abstract Portrait Painting
“Holding On To Love” Art by Salkis RE CLICK HERE

 

Male Viewer Comment:
Salkis Re Most women I know with one child say it is best thing that ever happened to them.
However, i understand what you are saying about exercising caution.

Do you think single men who have full custody of a child also lack a certain amount of character?
*****************************************************************************

My Response:
And why do you think women say that? I will tell you. It’s because for the FIRST time, they are experiencing TRUE love.

A man who has full custody of his children exemplifies compassion and emotional connect to his children even when he could have walked away. That is different, its “Noble” even.

Loving Single-motherS

WHY?
Because he is not expected to “want” to shoulder all the Responsibility like women. A woman’s value is in question because when “She” brings other mens children, she brings “bills”, she brings a “something must be wrong with you for him to walk from you and your children” UNLIKE the single father.

WHY?
Because she is looking to be cared for by a man. And because of this, for her, it is a FLAW, and a REDUCTION in her MARKETABILITY because she requires MORE output of his resources as well as the expectation to muster up some sort of LOVE and CARE for children that are not is own.

BIG Liability! Especially when men struggle to communicate and show interest/emotional concern for children that are biologically his.

Not what women want to hear and not what men would admit…..

“Black Hat Wisdom”
~Salkis RE

If you are looking for someone to talk to about your love life or anything you need help figuring out, please do not hesitate to contact me. Yo can reach me at salkis@iloveherart.com or book a session with me if your are ready to rock and roll!

Sex Should Frighten you!

“Sex and Women”
Written by Salkis Re

Listen to me my little flowers. Women stay sweet the less men are inside of them.

This something not promoted because it doesn’t exploit our emotions and if our emotions aren’t exploited, no one makes money.

Sex is a death ritual.

Sex is a  “giving up” of your soul to another soul.

Sex is A sacrifice.

Sex is  A melding together of thoughts,

emotions,

feelings,

bacteria,

shyte,

puss, and sputum(saliva/phlegm) and all his Specters too.

Sex should FRIGHTEN every woman.

black art

But the technology of contraception has given us a false sense of fearlessness while it promotes reckless abandon.

But guess what hasn’t changed: Your feelings!

Technology has assisted in helping us as women ACT like men.

And so the bastard children come, no father’s to shield them, no protection and guidance from men.

Why?
Because we are no longer “afraid” of the consequences of sex.

Your body is a receiver and a recorder of everything that goes into it.

black women with locs
Life Coach/Artist ~Salkis Re

Sperm isn’t designed to be inside you.

Your body sends out white blood cells to “fight” the “infection” called “sperm” because it

sees it as a foreign bacteria that shouldn’t be there.

This is why you should pray before sex.
This why he should pray over you before sex.

This is why you should be Committed to each other before sex.
This is also why you should not over indulge in sex.
Love and Light
~Salkis Re

So Who Am I?

African American art
“Artist/Life Coach”
~Salkis Re

Well, Im a black woman.

A black woman who low self worth, low self esteem and self doubt for much of my life. I never felt like I belonged anywhere, well at least anywhere I wanted to be. So I adopted an aggressive, over sensitive attitude to protect myself from being hurt by people. I tried to do things to face like skin bleaching and severe weight loss diets in hopes of transforming myself into a gorgeous woman entitled to respect and love.

I did so many things under the guise of self improvement and ended up damaging by physical body while creating more to hate about myself.

I’ve learned a lot along the way to self efficacy.  And it didn’t come from new make up techniques or having longer hair.

It really came from facing my demons and all the repetitive dialog I had in my head about my self worth.

In my awakening, a heightened level of creativity emerged.black artists

A new level of femininity and my own brand of sensuality came to the surface too.

I want to show you how to accept who you are, TOTALLY and open the flood gates to your own authentic, wild, unconventional representation of your best self. FLAWS AND ALL.

If that sounds like something that you want, please give me a shout by email: salkis@iloveherart.com

Or if you are ready to take the chance and take a plunge, book a session HERE

How to Not Give a F&*^k

 

1)Do what you fear doing, and do it often.

2) Accept people’s right to their own opinion, so that you can formulate yours without guilt.

3) Understand that trying to be Perfect for Imperfect people is a hamster wheel with no destination. Get off the wheel.

4) You are ugly to somebody. You are pretty to somebody.

You will win.

And you will lose.

And you cannot avoid it.  

Make peace with life’s inconsistencies and ride the wave.

5) You will not live forever, so you really cannot afford to waste another day trying to please people,

trying to make them see your worth, your beauty. Relax. And wow those that are already impressed with you.

Declare who you are, even if it frightens you,abstract portrait painting

even If it seems like a lie because everything is a lie until you MAKE IT the truth…

 

So many of us feel that we have to be good at something in order to do it or love it even.

This is not the truth. Not at all.

Self esteem is not about hyper focused attention on only the things that are good about you,

but ALLLLLLLL of you.

Yes, even the silly, stupid unskilled parts of you .

True self esteem doesn’t crumble if things do not go well in your life.

Self esteem is more about the process mores than the outcome.

Living up to your values keeps you in a place of high regard for yourself.

I find that so many of us just do not take a chance because not doing good or

being better than someone else computes in your mind that you are not enough.

 

 

 

 

Abstract Portait Painting

You have to accept your flaws and while relaxing your drive for

praise and recognition over the good in your as well..

You just embrace ALL of you.
Be Luke warm as a Master Teacher once taught me…

Then a compliment or an insult become a consequence for the living without putting halt to your life…

 

So Who Am I?

African American art
“Artist/Life Coach”
~Salkis Re

Well, Im a black woman.

A black woman who low self worth, low self esteem and self doubt for much of my life. I never felt like I belonged anywhere, well at least anywhere I wanted to be. So I adopted an aggressive, over sensitive attitude to protect myself from being hurt by people. I tried to do things to face like skin bleaching and severe weight loss diets in hopes of transforming myself into a gorgeous woman entitled to respect and love.

I did so many things under the guise of self improvement and ended up damaging by physical body while creating more to hate about myself.

I’ve learned a lot along the way to self efficacy.  And it didn’t come from new make up techniques or having longer hair.

It really came from facing my demons and all the repetitive dialog I had in my head about my self worth.

In my awakening, a heightened level of creativity emerged.black artists

A new level of femininity and my own brand of sensuality came to the surface too.

I want to show you how to accept who you are, TOTALLY and open the flood gates to your own authentic, wild, unconventional representation of your best self. FLAWS AND ALL.

If that sounds like something that you want, please give me a shout by email: salkis@iloveherart.com

Or if you are ready to take the chance and take a plunge, book a session HERE