I was a teen in the 80’s and 90’s and it was hard getting a guy to like you if you were a dark girl back then . I remember begging my friends to talk to their boyfriends to see if they could convince one if them to come to talk to me. That was the aim; I just wanted to be seen walking with a guy and then maybe I would stop feeling like I had two heads.
I’d sit in my friends bedroom while she called her boyfriend up and ask him about this guy or that who she thought would be nice for me to date. It was obvious what was being asked on t he other end cause my friend would say “Well yeah she is dark skin but she is pretty! No! No! I serious! She is pretty. I bite my nails and pace the floor hoping to pass the preliminary interview my friend conducted on my behalf.
I’d be humiliated every time but it was more embracing being the only one among the crew that never had a valentine chocolate or some door knocker earrings as birthday gift.i was the sarcastic sidekick that held everybody coat and purses when they were busy getting their foreplay on.
The dates I managed to get all treated me exactly like what I was: a charity case. What made matters worse was that I refused to have sex. I don’t think the choice to abstain was always moral; I was fucking scared and I didn’t want to be hurt. Even with all my desperation back then, somehow I always knew that having sex with those dudes would be the last nail in the coffin. After all, I had to keep what dignity I had left…
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