“To Look Good is to Feel Good?”
If you look better, will you feel better? Is the solution to your depression , imagined or REAL inadequacies, poor hygiene, excessive eating, or lack of intellect going to resolved with lipstick and concealer?
I had to look at the “reasons” behind the things I did to myself. I had go in a room where my thoughts lingered on the walls so that I could face them.
Going through many physical extremes to muster up some self worth. Sure I’d medita here and there. Sure I’d read inspirational stuff here and there, but I always gravitated back to Beauty Tips and “cheat sheets” to help project fake esteem.
I thought that learning to hold a Yoni egg in my vagina would make all my chakras align and magically turn my vagina into some type of Hoover Vacuum pussy that enchant and entrap a man I had interest in.
Did NOT happen.
I lost 65 pounds and got down to a size 4 . I was excited about being able to wear things that skinny chics wore, but did having a small waist catapult me into higher regard for myself? NO!
I bleached my face, became about 3shades lighter and thought “Awww, I finally a Brownin and will get a man to love me for sure. Didn’t Happen!
I put on straight hair weaves to look like a black Barbie Doll hoping that the straight hair would distract people from seeing me as a woman who’s skin was too dark.
No, the ILLUSION/Distraction did NOT work!
I had to go back, right back to the drawing the drawing board of my own mind to gather up all the Suppositions I had accumulated over many years about my place in this world.
Searching my thoughts, I concluded that I was living in a mental prison with bars made from assumptions I’d chosen to believe.
Everything about my “character” was falsehood:EVERYTHING.
And all my “worth” had been measured by which man/men found me appealing enough to fuck!
All the prepping and redesigning myself amounted to a big fat zero!!!!!
Vanity will make you a prisoner to your own body. I’m telling you from EXPERIENCE.
The cross you bear is related to your vanity and this competitive, relentless, demonizing need to be more “fuckable” than other women around you. And you will go to unsuccessful extremes for that position because you think your life will change.
It WILL NOT….
Not until you divorce yourself from your desperation to be what you are not biologically fit to be, what you are not emotionally designed to withstand, and what the laws of nature will NEVER require you to do.
“Artist/Life Coach/Medicine Woman
Black Hat Society
Art by Salkis Re