Lol. This blog is supposed to be about my art, but apparently I need this outlet yo vent about my feelings and the strangeness of this thing called love. I have been thinking about my “love career” lately. I’VE spent the last few hours in summerization of what went wrong with past lovers. Thank god I’ve finally gotten over the “I wasn’t pretty enough” part: I don’t think that was totally it but I do know I have been seed by men who didn’t see me as quite their “type”. Yeah I’ve been fetishized a time or two.
Naw… I think the fear of being alone drove me. I did get hitched a few times just on the merit of “well he’s the one that asked”. Lol. Not because I cared but because he asked thus it became a “what the hell. Let’s do it” kinda thing.
But the relationships didn’t last. The grow to love them thing never panned out for me. Resentment was the only thing that grew. The resentment that all the nice talk and seemingly mannerable ways were all to put me in the “trap house”. To try my pussy out and if it’s good, then the rest of me could be tolerated. But we all know that sex isn’t enough; it’s never enough to hold together a life partnership.
You can sense when a man loves you deeply. He will defend you, protect you, talk about future plans that include you, he will want babies with you, he will bring out the best within you.
To spend your entire relationship wondering if you really have a true relationship is not cool. I’ve been in that boat a few times, too many times actually. To be unsure about the one you love just confuses everything else in your life.
I’m torn by life experiences, my emotions, logic and reason. They all fight within me. I can’t say “I want a kiss” without thinking if it will lead to anything, if I’m just wasting my spit on his curiosity, if I’m being coy enough or showing enough interest, asking how long should the kiss be, should I give him tongue on the first try, am.i not making him earn my respect… and that’s from a kiss!
Can you imagine my head trip when I give up the ass!!! Shiiiiiiiit I be having the Palm Readers, Ms Cleo, Tarot Cards, Chakra Healers on speed dial tryna figure out if he love me… sigh…
Geeeze…. Now I know why artist are seen as a little whacky.. I guess we have to be in order to create. Anyway. if you enjoyed our little chat then subcribe and let me know what’s on your mind! Toodles 🙂